am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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