Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
