Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Come on in and take your pants off
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