I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
