OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
