She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
