Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
