I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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