LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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