She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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