did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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