What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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