So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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