mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
