I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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