He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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