I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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