left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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