What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
