At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
