well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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