I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
