i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
