This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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