Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
