Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize