im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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