I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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