he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
