he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
