you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
