Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
