How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
All the doctor said was why
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
