I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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