She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
