Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
