She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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