ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
