Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
