I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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