hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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