i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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