Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
