Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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