Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
