I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
