You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
