you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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