shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
