all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
