Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
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