My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
