If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
