And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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