i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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