How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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