Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My cat gives me a boner
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
