Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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