Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
