I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize