Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
