Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
