he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
