Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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