call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
