Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
In America we eat man semen.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
