Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize