you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
