I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Randomize
