did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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