not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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