I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I need moral support for this bender
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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