So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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