True but thats because hes a fetus.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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