they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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